Trial by labor

Our two week old Squishy fell asleep on me again. It took me a while before I could confidently roll him on to our bed. It feels good to type. There’s so much I want to say about the last two weeks. But I have to pick up where I last left off. I’m just anal that way.

Before that though, I want to say that I’m in love with my son. But taking care of an infant while recovering from surgery and dealing with your hormones going crazy was is challenging. So before I go back to where I left off, I want to share an article that a good friend of mine (Hi Jaga!) sent me a day after I gave birth: Colleen Nichol’s Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me About The Darkness? This really helped me during my first week with Squishy.

On Monday, September 12, my labor began. Unfortunately, by the end of the day, I was only 1 cm dilated, so we were sent home and we were asked to come back the next day to re-assess.

Tuesday, September 13 was my 40th week. We returned to hospital by 9 AM and they gave me another internal exam. In an hour or so, my doctor decided that they would admit me and induce labor. At that point, I was already contracting, but they wanted to intensify it so that I could dilate some more. My doctor didn’t want me to go past 40 weeks because it would increase the chances of fetal distress or, because Squishy was already full term, he could also start pooping inside.

From the initial exam room (which was basically a bed and a chair with a curtain partitioner), we were moved to a nice, large room with a bed, a TV, a private wash room, and a fake lazy boy. There, I was hooked up to a fetal monitor to make sure that Squishy was doing okay and monitor my contractions. I was first given an enema. After a few minutes, I purged all that I could purge in the bathroom. It was intense. Mikey could hear me from outside.

Where we waited for Maxie.

Then the nurses came in to try to set up an IV line. I hated that IV line. They tried inserting it in four different veins. The nurse even told me that I had “bad veins” because they kept collapsing. I was offended because it’s not like I could do anything about it! Finally, a resident came in and found a vein that didn’t burst. It was so bad that a week after we got out of the hospital, my hands were still bruised from all the poking.
After they inserted the IV line, they put me on fluids (I was not allowed to eat or drink anymore) and they also put me on oxytocin. The oxytocin was used to help intensify the contractions—and boy did it work! I was contracting like nobody’s business.

[Squishy is now 3 weeks and 2 days old, and I have not finished this post. Haha.] 

The contractions were actually very manageable. What was really painful was the internal exams they were performing every hour. When my doctor did the internal exams during my check-ups, it was never that painful. But when the residents performed it, I would almost tear up because of the pain. The internal exams is what actually prompted me to accept their offer for an epidural at around 4 PM. After already going through several painful exams that day, I didn’t want to feel another one!

The epidural procedure was pretty quick. They wheel you into the operating room and the anesthesiologist asks you to go into fetal position and they inject you with local anesthesia. This is the only part of the procedure that you feel. It was scary because at the end of the procedure the doctor told me not to move around so much so that the epidural line won’t fall out. It was a bit tricky to find because of my bad veins again. Sigh. After they gave me the epidural, the resident also popped my water bag. I didn’t feel a thing, but I heard a lot of water fall into a basin. The good news was that the water was still clear, which means Squishy didn’t poop yet.

By the time they wheeled me into the room again, I couldn’t really feel my contractions anymore. There was a bit of pressure every time I had one, but it wasn’t painful. The internal exams were still a bit uncomfortable, but at least it wasn’t as painful as it was before.

By 6 PM, my doctor came back to visit me and check me out. At this point, I’m 5 cm dilated, but Squishy wasn’t engaging at all. In fact, I think I could still kind of feel him in my ribs. My doctor told me that if I didn’t show any signs of progress (dilation-wise and Squishy’s position) by 7:30-8:00 PM, we should have a c-section instead. But we would give it some more time because she really wanted us to have a “trial by labor”. It sounded like something out of Game of Thrones. We trusted our doctor, so we didn’t contest her plan. At this point, I wasn’t sure what to hope for anymore. I just wanted to see Squishy.

By 7:00, the doctor came in to check up on me again and nothing changed. I was still at 5 CM and Squishy refused to engage. Later on, I read in the official medical records that we had a c-section because there was an “arrest in decent”. It was official, we were going to have a c-section (and we were definitely going to see our baby boy before the day ended!).

Unfortunately, Mikey wasn’t allowed in the operating room. I always imagined meeting Squishy for the first time with Mikey by my side. I was fighting back tears when they started wheeling me out. Mikey kissed me and gave me a see-you-later, he seemed so calm.

The nurses wheeled me into the operating room. It was so bright. The doctors were chatting about mundane things like what size gloves this one doctor was using and gossip about another doctor who wasn’t there. It was just like Grey’s Anatomy. They all seemed so chill. It was the anesthesiologist who kept talking to me. At first she was explaining what she was doing, and then she tried some small talk (which I wasn’t really in the mood for, but I politely answered because she controlled the drugs). The moment she injected the anesthesia, I started shaking uncontrollably. But apart from that, I didn’t have any other reactions. The nurses and the doctors prepped me and before I knew it, they had started operating already. There were some parts of the operation which stung a little and when I told the anesthesiologist, she would adjust the dosage. I could feel them pulling and tugging. And when they pulled Squishy out, I heard his magnificent cry.

Maximus Finn Llorin ❤

He was absolutely perfect. They brought him to me so I could see him. He was so chubby and so white! They also put him on my chest and let him suckle. But all too quickly, they took him back. Not in vain though because they took him to Mikey. I’ll let him tell his story of meeting Squishy for the first time. ❤

My boys! ❤

After two days of labor, two bruised up hands, and an operation, our son finally arrived. Squishy was here. And it was all worth it.

Burrito Squishy

I hope to be able to write regularly again. Squishy and I are still figuring out our groove. But It only took me two weeks to finish this one post! Maybe the next one will take me one week!

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