Coffee Please

After we found out about Squishy, my husband and I decided not to tell anyone until the end of the first trimester. We were allowed to tell one friend each. I decided to tell my best friend from high school and he decided to tell his best friend from college. And that was that.

Until the next day.

I was meeting two of my other best friends for brunch for a sort of post-holiday-debriefing session. We decided to meet at Mary Grace Café (our favorite), while our husbands hung out at the food court (wawa).

Our brunch was unfolding quite nicely. I thought I was keeping it together. I was also playing with their yummy babies (one friend was a mom of two—a two year old girl and a 6 month old boy, and my other friend was a new mom of one—a four month old boy). I took turns carrying the boys and chatting with the toddler. One friend asked if we were going to have coffee after and I said I wouldn’t have any.

I NEVER say no to coffee. But I reasoned that I had high cholesterol and I was trying to be good. My friends wouldn’t let it go. We would talk about other things, but they would ask about it again. Bits of the conversation went something like this:

Friend 1: Really? Why won’t you drink coffee?
Me: It’s bad for me and my cholesterol.
Friend 2: You know it’s bad if you say no to everything right away. You should do it slowly.
Me: Yeah, no. I’m okay

———–*interrupted by the baby*
Friend 1: Come on! Not during our day out! I’ll PAY for your coffee.
Friend 2: Oh! Go na!
Me: No, *nervous laughter* it’s really okay.

———–*time to order dessert*
Friend 1: Come on! I can’t believe you’re saying no to FREE coffee!
Me: Hahaha. I made a promise. (at this point I have no idea what I’m saying)
Friend 2: A promisssssse?
Friend 1: Who did you make a promise to?
Me: Uh, you know. God.
Friend 1: God?!
Me: Yeah, it’s just better for everyone if I don’t drink coffee.
Friend 1: Better for everyone? What do you mean? How can it be better for everyone? *gasp* Are you pregnant?
Friend 2 stops eating her lemon squares
Me: Uh, I took a test and it’s positive.

*squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal*

The men eventually joined us and my husband was especially happy that the news was out. He wanted to tell his bros the whole time too, but he was hiding it better than I was.

Our friends asked us when we planned on telling our families, and we told them that we wanted to tell them after the first trimester. They advised us not wait too long. My husband also really wanted to tell his Mom. So I compromised and I said we would wait until there was a heartbeat.

Two weeks later, we did our transvaginal ultrasound and there was a heartbeat! ❤ So we told his Mom that same weekend. There was jumping and hugging and kissing. The kind of reaction you would expect if your married child told you that you were going to be a grandma!

I was hesitant to tell my Mom because our dynamics are a little very different and there’s an entire extended family that’s always involved.

We had a doctor’s appointment the day I was supposed to tell my Mom. During our visit, our Doctor told us that the ultrasound results showed a subchorionic hemorrhage. We were sad and scared. There was no spotting or unusual discharge, so the doctor said that we just had to be extra careful and that I should get as much rest as I could.

Then and there, I decided to give up teaching. The doctor asked if I could sit while teaching, but I felt like it would be unfair to the students if I wasn’t 100% there. I decided that could keep my administrative position because it was mostly work that I could do sitting down or even from home sometimes.

I always valued my independence and career, but when I heard that something could happen to Squishy, it was so easy to give it up. I’m also really lucky to have a husband who never made me feel bad about it and who stepped up even before I asked.

So I was sad, but I told my husband that I wanted to downplay everything for my Mom. It would be more stressful if she was breathing down my neck.

When we finally arrived at my Mom’s place, we exchanged the normal pleasantries. Then, maybe 10 minutes into our conversation, I blurted out, unceremoniously, that she was going to be an Ah-ma (Chinese for grandmother).

It was as if I didn’t say anything for about ten minutes. And then she started asking questions (when are you due? I have to move a trip so that I’m there. What food do you like?). Eventually, I told her about the ultrasound results and she brushed it off. She said that the same thing happened when she was pregnant with us and she even had spotting. She said that it’s probably in our genes and all I needed to do was rest.

I felt a whole lot better after that conversation. And since we told my Mom, she’s been sending over food regularly. Hehehe.

I guess there are different reasons to tell people. At first I thought it was just so that your loved ones could celebrate with you. I’ve never been one for big celebrations. I love our little bubble (just me and my husband). But I realized that you don’t just tell people so that they can be happy for you, but you tell your people because no matter how many books or journals you read (I majored in human development psychology), there’s still something infinitely more reassuring when you have support from someone who’s been through what you’re going through.

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